Mike. 26. central FL.

hope you like my blog; it might get offensive sometimes. that's life.

nothing i say or do will survive past the people who were there to witness it; so i hope and pray that God shines through all of my shenanigans.

 

all these people are anti-pit bull and I’m just like ‘fuck Chihuahuas, man.’

my grandma

Anonymous asked
This is gonna sound so stupid but what is a fuckboy? lol

rememberingsuunday:

fuckboy symptoms:

  • timothy over here askin’ for nudes when all u did was say hello
  • connor who won’t calm down with his axe spray tryna infect ya lungs
  • colin adding #420 to his bio when he smoked weed one time
  • gregory mad cause u didn’t blow him after the first date

how to spot a fuckboy:

  • white nike tube socks with his adidas sandals
  • he wants to play 20 questions (!!!!!!!!! do not play !!!!!!!!!!! especially if there’s a “;)” involved)
  • relies on his mom but doesn’t respect women
  • looks like he just read one of jaden smith’s tweets in all of his selfies
  • can’t find the clitoris

fuckboys come in all shapes and sizes and results may vary but when he a fuckboy…he a fuckboy…and u will know

fuckboy (n): a weak-ass pussy that ain’t ‘bout shit

ok none of that bullshit emotional stuff

THESE are the best feelings in the world:

  • peeing after holding it in all day
  • orgasms
  • faking ill and getting sent back to bed 
  • when you sing really emotionally and give yourself shivers b/c you’re fucking star quality
  • getting a back massage
  • seeing somebody you don’t like fall over omfg 
  • when you try and talk to your pet in their language and you feel like you’re having a conversation (this might just be me idk)
someoneinjersey:

fizzyliftingdrank:

ragincontagion:

What do you see?

A balding giant sticking a pine tree’s trunk up his bum.

an emo penguin leaning against a mirror singing “reflection” from mulan

dude on a motorcycle

someoneinjersey:

fizzyliftingdrank:

ragincontagion:

What do you see?

A balding giant sticking a pine tree’s trunk up his bum.

an emo penguin leaning against a mirror singing “reflection” from mulan

dude on a motorcycle

1. Don’t try to piss quietly. Nobody in a public restroom thinks you’re knitting in your stall. They came to piss, just like you. And if you have to take a dump, do it. Get over your fear of public toilets. It’ll make life a lot easier.

2. Masturbate. Masturbate a lot. Talk about it with your friends. You’ve got the right to make yourself feel good and brag about it just like all the boys with extra large kleenex packages on their desks.

3. If you want the large fries, get the large fries. Hunger and appetite are nothing to be ashamed of, just human. Don’t ever feel guilty for eating in front of others. You need to nourish your body to stay alive. We all do.

4. Laugh as loud as you have to, no matter if you snort or gasp or literally scream.

5. Fart when you have to.

6. Always remember you weren’t born to visually please others. Forget the phrase “what if they think it’s ugly”. If you think it’s lovely, it is lovely. You wanna wear it, wear it!

7. Speak your mind! You can learn to do so without insulting others or shoving your opinion down other people’s throats.

Seven Simple Ways To Free Yourself, from girl to girl (via fawnbabe)

someoneinjersey:

realfriendly:

xydg:

i do not understand the big obsession with pop punk 

i cant hear you over how much i hate my town

i listen to it while eating pizza with my friends

someoneinjersey:

cute-pubes:

As I was sitting in the back of the police car, I remembered the countless times my father came home frustrated or humiliated by the cops when he had done nothing wrong. I felt his shame, his anger, and my own feelings of frustration for existing in a world where I have allowed myself to believe that “authority figures” could control my BEING… my ability to BE!
Danièle’s husband, Brian Lucas, who is white, says he believes they were targeted because they are an interracial couple.
Read more here

THIS SHIT KEEPS PILING UP

someoneinjersey:

cute-pubes:

As I was sitting in the back of the police car, I remembered the countless times my father came home frustrated or humiliated by the cops when he had done nothing wrong. I felt his shame, his anger, and my own feelings of frustration for existing in a world where I have allowed myself to believe that “authority figures” could control my BEING… my ability to BE!

Danièle’s husband, Brian Lucas, who is white, says he believes they were targeted because they are an interracial couple.

Read more here

THIS SHIT KEEPS PILING UP